


Learning by Trial and Error

by Gravityoverthegarden



Category: Kingdom Keepers - Ridley Pearson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Study, M/M, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, Philby is demisexual, The Return (series) didn't happen because I didn't feel like including it, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravityoverthegarden/pseuds/Gravityoverthegarden
Summary: Philby's relationship with love is a difficult one. He's never been that interested in finding a romantic partner even though his parents love to tell him that he needs to find that special person to settle down with after college. He prefers being alone with a computer and talking off whosever ear was unfortunate enough to ask him about one of his many hyperfixations. He didn't need anyone to occupy the emotional side of his life, and he's content with having his emotional side seemingly incomplete.
Relationships: Dell Philby/Finn Whitman, past Amanda Lockhart/Finn Whitman, past Isabella "Willa" Angelo/Dell Philby
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Learning by Trial and Error

Philby's relationship with love is a difficult one. He's never been that interested in finding a romantic partner even though his parents love to tell him that he needs to find that special person to settle down with after college. He prefers being alone with a computer and talking off whosever ear was unfortunate enough to ask him about one of his many hyperfixations. He didn't need anyone to occupy the emotional side of his life, and he's content with having his emotional side seemingly incomplete.

Until he met Willa. Philby was amazed at how she flips from being the reserved girl she is in school to confident in her knowledge and beliefs when she's with the Keepers. They were able to keep up with the other when the rest of the Keepers gape at them in confusion. She's gorgeous and intelligent, and everything Philby thinks he wants in a relationship.

He thought he was in love, but he kept messing up. She would use to explain to him why he'd mess up, but slowly the explanations became fewer and fewer; she would shrug it off and distance herself from him and Philby would know that he messed up, but he wasn't sure why. He would ask his friends and parents and the guys would give him some nonsense about “women being a mysterious species” and the girls would continuously tell him to “ _ just listen _ ” and Philby is  _ listening _ , it's just he has a problem with comprehending other people's emotions.

They communicated - clear enough for him to understand that they broke up. He expected to regret it, that he should've kept trying instead of giving up, but they both agreed that they functioned better as friends then romantically involved. They didn't need the additional responsibilities of figuring out a relationship neither of them had time for.

His parents gave him hell for it because they expected Willa and him to get married after they graduated from college just like they had. The Kingdom Keeper fans weren't thrilled by the seemingly sudden parting of the pair and it spurred the theorists to figure out what happened between the never-publicly-announced couple.

Philby thought Finn and Amanda were soulmates. He'd never seen two people get along better; they've been the fated couple of the Keepers since the conception of the group. Philby expected them to be the couple in their friend group to get married immediately after they graduate college because they seem the most content and the happiest with each other out of the original couples in the group — Maybeck and Charlene had a lot to learn about each other before they could even contemplate marriage, but they love each other that much is clear to their friends and fans.

But the day Philby came over to Finn's house to see Finn sat with back hunched at the edge of his bed, staring hollowly at the ground broke Philby's perception of the perfect couple: Finn and Amanda.

He let Finn speak and rant about the failures in his and Amanda's relationship that no one - not even their closest friends - had noticed. Finn told him about the subtle shift from “I love you, goodnight” to simply “goodnight,” and texts left on read for hours and then never answered instead of a new conversation regardless of the sensitivity their prior conversation had. Finn with a sadness Philby couldn't understand told him about the hugs they have on the rare occasion that they get to see each other face to face that became bro hugs, hands in between them broken apart with laughter. Finn told him about their arguments over small things that usually resulted in them not speaking for a few days and glossed over apologies; and how they haven't had a real conversation in months.

Philby just listened — completely out of his element. Philby could hold a conversation all by himself about things like theoretical physics or Euclidean geometry even though Finn knows absolutely nothing about those subjects.

But emotions? Emotions were the reason why he and Willa fell apart. Emotions were the hacksaw that ended up sawing him in half as he tried to understand what caused them to disconnect — why they couldn't be just happy and content with each other. He thought they just needed to be smart in all senses of the word, and they would've last. He despises admitting it, but he's an idiot because, in retrospect, that is one of the stupidest assumptions he's ever made.

Philby placed a hand on Finn's shoulder telling him he was there, listening — for once. He struggled to comprehend the destruction of the perfect couple image that Amanda and Finn had built up for themselves, but if there's one thing Philby has learned in his transient relationship history, it’s that when people feel bad, sometimes they just need to have someone simply exist with them — it's not a great thing to have just learned after he's been alive for eighteen years, but at least he's learned it.

The smile Finn shot him — shaky, teary-eyed, and flat — accompanied by an apology left Philby spinning. Why was Finn apologizing to him? Philby wasn't the one breaking down from an assumedly natural breakup. The explanation caused Finn to let loose a sob, covering his face with his arm, and Philby struggled to come up with some comforting words.

So, he did what he's best at — causing a distraction. He pulled out his laptop from his bag that he never leaves home without and asked him if he wanted to watch something on Netflix and it surprisingly worked. They sat knee to knee as Philby pulled up a less than mediocre movie they've both seen countless times and neither of them would get too angry if they spoke during it. Philby started snarking nearly every element of the movie trying to get a reaction out of Finn, and by the credits, he had Finn smiling, laughing, and snarking along with him.

Philby didn't notice him and Finn subtly growing closer as time passed. Their harsh arguments ceasing and replaced by structured debates that confuse their friends when they hear them taking turns to argue their point and then offering a rebuttal. The slow acclimation to understanding Finn when his mental health plunges, because fighting Disney villains and loosing your best friend and mentor leaves scars that will never close up, and Philby will find himself outside Finn's room with junk food and his Netflix password. The endless hours of rambling about Philby's newest hyperfixation and Finn would never tell him to shut up unless they're watching something he's very interested in. The new easiness that came with sharing how he felt — his own bad days, his good days, his meh days — and he didn't feel stupid for not knowing how to handle some basic emotions when Finn helped him on his own awful days.

The slow realization that Philby didn't want this - this new type of bond that's different from what he had with Willa - to end, and he wants Finn to depend on him like he did Amanda and Philby had on Willa. He started noticing the way Finn's green eyes would set and his brow would slightly crease when he became intent on winning a debate; the way his entire body would only relax when it was just the two of them; and the way he allows himself to cry when they watch a movie and then threatening to murder Philby if he ever dares to tell someone that he cried.

Philby knew what this feeling is — the smile that decides to grace his face without his consent whenever he just looks at Finn and the heart palpitations whenever Finn would do the simplest things like enable his rambles or bring him one of his mom's cookies because he knows Philby loves her baking — and he wished he doesn't have to go through this again. He could just ignore it - and he does, but these  _ feelings  _ are annoying and he doesn't want a repeat of what he went through with Willa and  _ communication issues  _ when Philby  _ tried  _ to communicate, but he was just  _ bad  _ at it.

He doesn't want to say anything. They weren't leaving each other like the others were (even though Willa was also moving to California, and Maybeck was the only one staying in Orlando) — they were both going to the Disney School of Imagineering and they've talked about rooming together to avoid having strangers as roommates and messing up some theoretical Kingdom Keeper business. There is absolutely no point for him to ruin what they have for some feelings that decided to grow like mold on a perfectly good friendship.

Philby started to notice other things that he'd've not thought about if he doesn't overthink every obvious minuscule change. He noticed Finn going for a hug, like a full arms-wrapped-around-his-torso that lasts for multiple seconds instead of a simple bro-hug or just a fist bump as a greeting. He also noticed that Finn had been standing closer to him than normal - usually touching him in some way, such as brushing his arm against Philby's when they're walking or placing a hand on his shoulder or even putting an arm over his shoulders when they were sitting. Philby also doesn't think about how Finn seemed to be entirely over Amanda - he just doesn't think about it.

They agreed to room together at DSI, and Philby had never regretted a decision more in his life. Finn had the inane habit of only ever wearing a white tank top or just forgoing a shirt altogether when they were alone in their dorm room; he thankfully wears pants, although the same can't be said about Philby, who unfortunately sleeps in his underwear. Neither of them was surprised by this, they've been friends for years and have seen each other in various states of undress, except there's something different when one of the people in the dorm has caught feelings for the other, and they've become hyper-aware of every little thing their roommate does — absolutely including when they're half-naked while you're trying to study in the comfort of your room.

Philby has never experienced this sort of attraction to a person — one that goes beyond shallow physical and emotional attraction — and it's somewhat terrifying. He's tried to compare his... feelings for Finn to his feelings for Willa and saw how fundamentally different the feelings are. He was artificially attracted to Willa, but one can make the argument that most people have a somewhat artificial attraction to a person they are considering being in a relationship with, and he liked her mind. Philby felt compelled to be a relationship with her, and he knew Willa did too because she told him so after they finally broke off their relationship; they felt compelled by their friends and their parents to like each other as equally smart and, truth be told, socially distant people.

But he didn't feel compelled to develop feelings for Finn like he did for Willa, in fact, developing feelings for his best friend is detrimental to their friendship. His feelings moved at the pace of the beginning of a rollercoaster and once he realized why exactly his heart sped up a little whenever Finn complimented him or looked into whatever Philby's current hyperfixation or why the habit Finn acquired mid-semester of ignoring him outside of classes and study sessions is hurting him much more than he'd care to admit.

Finn cracked first — much to Philby's bewilderment — in an even more bewildering confession as they prepare to take the first of many final exams. They were studying in the library and suffocating with the immense amount of information they need to digest before they take their finals. Philby was used to the unruly stress of exams week since he took an ungodly amount of AP and dual enrollment classes in high school and claimed that sleep was for the week (and being a DHI helped him with all of his all-night study sessions), but Finn wasn't used to the stress and Philby hadn't seen him truly breakdown since his break up with Amanda.

He was beating himself up for not retaining or knowing information that he should've and was one step away from using one of the copious thick books on their table to knock himself unconscious. Philby was trying to help him — he wasn't too concerned about his exams and two of them were presentations that he'd already finished. He took on the habit of nonsensically talking to himself as he went through his notes, and chose to ignore Philby entirely, even though the express purpose of this library visit is for Philby to help him study.

Philby grabbed Finn's wrist, and when that didn't earn his attention, he grabbed his chin and tilted it up causing Finn to stop talking immediately. Philby tried to be comforting - letting his hand rest on Finn's shoulder even though he's never been someone to initiate physical contact with anyone and speaking words he thinks are comforting but he's not sure if what he said were relaxing or mildly threatening.

Finn's eyes were wide, and his shoulders relaxed for the first time in a week.

The words slipped and Finn froze. Philby wasn't sure if he meant to say that because he seemed panicked, even though the word “love” was dropped willy-nilly amongst their friend group. Philby wouldn't have thought twice — actually he would think about it over and over again until the words become meaningless and Philby doesn't have that brain bug of hope itching at him, telling him that he might actually have a chance with his best friend — until Finn began rambling and all Philby could really do is sit in stunned silence as Finn bore his heart out to the person incapable of expressing his emotions.

Finn gripped the table as he took in his words, waiting for Philby's response as he tried to think of something more intelligent than something a caveman might say. He couldn't just say I love you; he values the importance of words and those three words hold a lot of importance. He wasn't sure if love is the thing he's feeling — such a concept always felt foreign to him — but he feels something. It's a different feeling than friendship, and he's only felt once before, but he's not afraid of it like he was last time.

So he said four words with less inherent importance but just as much situational importance, and the panic on Finn's face was overridden by a smile and excitement before confusion set in and Philby panicked, picking up Finn's flashcards he was using to study and began quizzing him again before they had an uncomfortable conversation they didn't have time to have when they should be focusing on passing their exams.

Their first non-school related discussion happened only after their final exam, and they laid together, broken on Finn's bed as they tried to readjust to life without the stress of finals on their shoulders.

Philby mentioned the library visit to Finn, subtly remind him about his L-word drop whilst giving him time to back out, pretend he never said it or said it in a low point caused by too-much caffeine and sleep deprivation and Philby would pretend he never confessed back, that he was in the same boat and didn't mean to say it.

Finn cautiously asked him how he felt about it — them, really. Philby's heart pounded as said he liked it — really liked it, that he was willing to try even though he's not great at being the most emotionally available.

Philby shrugged as he made a joke a bit to self-deprecating than he originally intended, although he couldn't help the smile that made its way onto his face because he's happy. He's actually happy; he's out of his natural domain, but the lightness in his chest and this need that's been culminating to just be with Finn.

Finn laughed and his smile shone like Cinderella Castle lit up underneath the explosions of fireworks.

The next day, they were talking to Amanda in the lobby as they waited for a shuttle to take them to the airport to return to Orlando for winter break. Finn wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him flush to his side. His eyes widened when Finn plopped a kiss on his cheek before continuing on in the conversation. Amanda's smug smirk alerting Philby that Finn had likely told her about them and seemed to have been waiting for Finn to break the platonic cover they never discussed if they wanted to keep up or not. Philby should've expected Finn to like public displays of affection — he could barely keep his hands himself when they were just friends.

Amanda addressed a question to Philby and Philby could not answer it. His mouth refused to move to form words. She laughed as Finn panicked, asking him if he stepped over a line. Philby shook his head and told him to calm down,  _ it's fine - you just surprised me _ , once his voice returned. Finn still clung onto his arm, asking him about barriers that he hasn't thought much about before.

Philby still wasn't entirely sure what their relationship is yet, but he's certain that he wants it. He may not believe in soulmates, but he believes in work, and he'll work with Finn that so they don't end up like their last relationships. They'll be good or at least Philby hopes so.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and if you like what you read, leave a kudos and/or comment. Also if you noticed a glaringly obvious typo, please let me know that so I can fix it.
> 
> EDIT 10/12/2020: I finally reread this and did some editing because there were some real iffy typos in this and very, very obvious that I did not read over my draft before publishing this. Yikes! Also, we'll see if I do another edit in the future, or I'll just let it breathe for the rest of the time.
> 
> ____
> 
> Things are a bit weird to be posting fanfic for my ultimate rare pair, but I wrote this as an escape from looking at the horrible treatment of protesters and all of the inadequate news reporting of the tragedies currently happening to them. Remember that Black Lives Matter and to support and amplify black creators and voices on every platform and educate yourself on these important matters.


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